A misanthrope is not just for Christmas…

All you out there full of the joys of Christmas take heed. For all the good cheer and mindless commercial excesses there are a load of folk whose preference is for cynical, misanthropic griping. I like to think I am one of those. Cheerily grumpy, is how I like to put it. We deserve respect!

Christmas is a difficult time of year for those with a contrariness bent. Be kind to us by not sending us cards. Please don’t ram the fact that you are as excited as a toddler by the whole dreary regularity of a festival that is way too excessive. Don’t get me wrong, I like excess – it’s what I’m good at – but come on now people, give it a rest.

humbug-scroogeIt’s not enough that I have to listen to f*****g carols from November onwards. Even in my local coffee shop I’ve been Bing Crosby’d to death for weeks now. I’ve even taken to walking in there with my own dirgeful music in my ears just so I don’t have to witness the excess of saccharine. If I wanted saccharine with my coffee I’d go for that sweet and low shit.

They do say that Christmas is for kids. Well if it is can they not do it quietly and at home? I am graceful enough to concede that inside the walls of a person’s house you can celebrate Christmas with all the abandon and carefree jollity of a rabid elf on ecstasy. But in the workplace? It spanks of too much desperation. Stop it, I say. Stop it right now.

And another thing, while I am embarking upon this rant, if someone doesn’t find Christmas a thrilling sherry-fuelled joy then stop calling us miserable. Let’s celebrate our diversity here, folks. I think you will find that the miserable bastards of this world (and I am one) at least have the temerity to be grumpy all year round. We don’t spend eleven months of the year in one mood and the last month ‘ho-ho-ho’ing like we have some sort of seasonal bi-polar thing going on. We are quietly and undemonstratively level-headedly misanthropic ALL YEAR ROUND. You’d have thought the regularity of that would have pleased people. But, oh no, we’re miserable bastards for not wanting to put on a paper fucking hat.

That said, have a great Christmas!


PS, done 100,000 words now, if any of you b*****s are interested…



  1. Ah, that was a great post. I especially loved the bi-polar part (can I say ‘loved’ ?). Yesterday the panic attacks started…last night I cried myself to sleep – all in anticipation/dread of the next three days’ activities. It’s the obligatory socializing that does me in this time of year. I don’t want to make goodies for the neighbors, go caroling at the rest home or have a house-full of people over round the clock. I just want to stay home and take a nap or read a book and eat an entire coconut cream pie by myself. Is that too much to ask? It’s not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment of the birth of the Christ child – I do – but I think it would be better for us NOT to make such a big fuss about it ONE time a year, but quietly keep it in our hearts and live it all year round. Your post made me smile…and I needed that today. Sorry…I had to say something nice! 😉 Here’s something for you in return, jdaitken, Merry ‘You Know’: http://youtu.be/ECHv5KV4ZuM


    1. Thank you! I didn’t see your reply until tonight. I hope you had a fine ‘God Schmod’ day. 😉 What did you do? That was a very lovely gift/link…and amazing – there was one part toward the end where it sounded as if there were two violins playing instead of one. The end of that piece was beautiful. Sigh. And crass American that I am, I gave you a Killers song, and a bad one at that. Sorry! Anyway, how are you?


      1. Heifetz was seventy when he recorded that, live. Seventy! The recordings I have of him at his peak in the 1930’s,, 1940’s would make you want to weep. The Killers song was nice, thanks. Certainly a change for my auditory bits. Oh, and Christmas was a f*****g disaster, but hey ho (or perhaps, sleigh ho), have to do it all again next year. Something to look forward to…

      2. It would be difficult to memorize something as complex as that, but at seventy, maybe the piece was old hat to him. Impressive. The violin strikes me as a very emotionally sensitive instrument – or I guess capable of expressing the subtleties of human emotion. More so, than say, a horn or something. Maybe that’s because the player is able to elicit his/her own emotions from it? The piano would be a close second. Sorry to hear about Christmas. I have a morbid fascination with other people’s disasters – makes me feel better about my own. ;P There’s no point in asking you what happened (since half the time you never answer my questions, anyway) 😉 Perhaps you’ll blog about it… By the way, it’s THAT time again.

  2. It’s easy to memorise because of practice. Surprisingly easy, in fact. I used to be able to play a lot of that piece, in my pomp and youth. Not all of it, mind…some of it is ridiculously hard. The piano is a percussion instrument and should be castigated forever… Only joking. All instruments elicit (to me) the same emotional content because it is the interpretation and touch that you can empathise with, and each instrument has it’s nuances. Violin vibrato can often be too saccharine. Not Heifetz, though, who was playing that piece when he was about five. And not me…!
    I’ll blog at some point, I promise…


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